Inevitable

Love will find you.

...

Pondering...

How to act after being completely excluded by your classmates for over a year...

Give up on the people who used to be your closest friends and look to others?

Or, slowly try to return to your closest friends again, looking for some reconciliation and healing in the relationships?

...

What a mess. I honestly wish this never would have conspired. I'm still not sure why it did. But I know that God is faithful and that He is helping me. I love Him.

Tonight may have been the start of some change. If words become actions, I think it will be...this is both exciting and scary.

The last three months of school are going to be so tough...for me, not because of school work, but because of relationship work. These are the months in which I choose to pour myself into people, in hopes of getting anything at all back, or else just continue to float by invisibly. And, unfortunately, slightly apathetically.

If this post made no sense to you, that is probably a good thing.

Lamp

Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

...

Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, not a spotlight into my life.

I may not see the whole picture, but I can know what to do next.

By your words I can see where I'm going.

...

Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.

Treasure

Do not hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust and stolen by burglars. Store treasure in heaven, where it is safe from moths and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being.

Your eyes are windows into your body. If you open your eyes wide in wonder and belief, your body fills up with light. If you live squinty-eyed in greed and distrust, your body is a dank cellar. If you pull the blinds on your windows, what a dark life you will have!

You can't worship two gods at once...Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and the things of the world at the same time.

If you decide for God, living a life of thanks and worship, it follows that you don't fuss about what's on the table at mealtimes or whether the clothes in your closet are in fashion. There is far more to your life than the food you put in your stomach, more to your outer appearance than the clothes you hang on your body. Look at the birds, free and unfettered, not tied down to a job description, careless in the care of God. And you mean far more to him than birds.

Has anyone by fussing in front of the mirror ever added a single hour to their life? All this time and money wasted on the outward appearance--do you think it makes that much difference? Instead of looking at the fashions, walk out into the fields and look at the wildflowers. They never primp or shop, but have you ever seen colour and design quite like it? The ten best-dressed men and women in the country look shabby alongside them.

If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers--most of which are never even seen--don't you think He'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you, love you?

What I'm trying to do here is get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You will find all your everyday concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.

Matthew 6.

Everyone's searching for treasure...

Rain

I miss the rain, and its sweet smell as it falls on my skin.
I miss spring, and summer, and warmth.
I miss you.

Polly

This heart was made to be stolen.

This heart was made to Wait--for you

but never should have had to

for you to stop drinking

for your next Letter to come in the mail

for your Love.

.

This heart was made for travel and adventure

Anticipation--held high as it boards:

A westbound train.

But it was not made to--go Alone.

.

This heart was made to love

not to be Stored away

until things are better for you;

more Convenient.

.

This heart was made to be free and Unbridled

not shut away--in a Rented room.

.

This heart was made to Long,

but not to sit alone

in a dark room

on a Lumpy futon

Wondering--

if you are still at work,

or...with "her".

.

This heart was made to Live

Not to be stifled, suppressed

Extinguished

by a Secret Life.

.

This heart was made to be covered

by more than the remnants of a Corsage

and foot after foot of Snow

piling, swirling, concealing--

a Moving shroud.

.

This heart was made to be stolen,

but not destroyed.

.

You did Both.

Rest

Rest

Nevertheless

...

Hey, where have you been?

Where did you go looking for innocence?

Shame is holding you down, selling you out

Won't you come back again?

...

'Cause you've found a way to go on for days

Pretending to live

But you are not okay, with all of that weight

You need to give up

...

Come, now, just let it go

Let it fall down, let it all flow like

The water that's rushing in over your soul

'Til there's nothing left

Won't you come to Me and rest?

...

Hey, I know that you're scared

To look in My eyes when you know that something's wrong

I'll wait as long as it takes

For you to find grace, it's been here all along

...

'Cause you've found a way to go on for days
Pretending to live
But you are not okay, with all of that weight
You need to give up

...

Come, now, just let it go
Let it fall down, let it all flow like
The water that's rushing in over your soul
'Til there's nothing left
Won't you come to Me as you are

Dirty and broken

With all your scars, from all the unspoken

With all of the words that you wanted to say

But you've locked them away inside

...

Come, now, just let it go

Let it fall down, let it all flow like

The water that's rushing in over your soul

'Til there's nothing left

Won't you come to Me and rest?

If You Were Coming in the Fall

If you were coming in the Fall,
I'd brush the Summer by
With half a smile and half a spurn,
As housewives do a Fly.

If I could see you in a year,
I'd wind the months in balls--
And put them each in separate Drawers,
For fear the numbers fuse--

If only Centuries, delayed,
I'd count them on my Hand,
Subtracting, till my fingers dropped
Into Van Diemen's land.

If certain, when this life was out--
That yours and mine, should be
I'd toss it yonder like a Rind,
And taste Eternity--

But, now, uncertain of the length
Of this, that is between,
It goads me, like the Goblin Bee--
That will not state--its sting.
-Emily Dickinson
...
I love this poem.

Who Am I When I'm Alone?

Tonight, the power was out for a couple hours. It brought an almost eerie feeling...I went walking around outside at around 9:30, and everything seemed so abandoned. No street lights, no vehicles, no people; no light, save the glow of a few candles I could see through my neighbour's window. I felt very alone, but I didn't mind. It was actually a very peaceful evening, even though I wasn't doing what I thought I would be.

...

I hope I always feel that content when I'm alone.

Or at least understand that I can have peace because God knows me and loves me, inside and out, and that my worth and identity is found in Him alone.

...

I'm just trying to find out

Who I am, on my own

I had you right beside me

Now you're gone and I know:

That when the room clears,

I'm still here.

Who am I when I'm alone?

(Nevertheless)

...

When I am alone, I am a child illuminated by light and love, blazing like a candle in the dark.

When I am alone, I am Yours.

Last Transmission

You can get all the love that you need once you give it away.
If you pick up this transmission, then it's safe to stay in love.
...
♥

Noise

The livid lightnings flashed in the clouds; The leaden thunders crashed.
A worshipper raised his arm.
"Hearken! Hearken! The voice of God!"

"Not so," said a man.
"The voice of God whispers in the heart
So softly
That the soul pauses,
Making no noise,
And strives for these melodies,
Distant, sighing, like faintest breath,
And all the being is still to hear."

(Stephen Crane)
...
I think it's too easy to confuse religious "noise" with the voice of God. When we are loud, we cannot hear a quiet voice, and not wanting to sacrifice, we listen only for the booming ones; we listen only for the ones coming from the man in front with a microphone, for the ones coming through as chords are strummed brilliantly on a guitar.

I'm not saying that God doesn't speak through these things, He definitely can, and does...

I am saying, think about what you're hearing. Question it. Pray about it, so that you can discern what is true.

I saw a book, DVD, and CD set today online called "How to Hear to Voice of God: A 10 Week Home Study Course". It cost $249.95. That's ridiculous! As if anyone needs to pay $249.95 to hear God's voice!

So...how do we hear God's voice? I'm not sure I can fully answer that question. Read His Word. Think about it, pray about it, reflect on it. I think the answer for me personally is in here:

Lamentations 3:25-33
God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
to the woman who diligently seeks.
It's a good thing to quietly hope,
quietly hope for help from God.
It's a good thing when you're young
to stick it out through the hard times.
When life is heavy and hard to take,
go off by yourself.
Enter the silence.
Bow in prayer.
Don't ask questions:
Wait for hope to appear.
Don't run from trouble.
Take it full-face.
The "worst" is never the worst.
Why? Because the Master won't ever
walk out and fail to return.
If he works severely, he also works tenderly.
His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.
He takes no pleasure in making life hard.
...
Oh, I wait for You.
♥

River

Let me be like a river that flows

silent through the night,

not fearing the darkness and

reflecting any stars high in the sky.

And if the sky is filled with clouds,

Help me know the clouds are water like the river,

and let me, without remorse, reflect them too

in the calm deep.

Waking Up

I remember how sleep used to be so satisfying,

and how good it felt to wake up in the morning

rested and ready

for whatever the day may bring:

good, bad, exciting, surprising, painful, or unusual.

...

But lately

I've been waking up

frightened by what I feel

So deeply

scared and nervous and anxious

because I don't know what to do for them...

But I cried out to You

and You held my hand

You kept me safe and protected and loved

...

You showered me in compassion

and walked with me,

even when no one else wanted to.

...

With that in mind, I woke up today

Without clouds of discouragement hanging over me

Without the weight of the world on my back

Without my feet in shackles

...

I woke up today

with a heart unbounded, overflowing with praise and awe

I remembered You are faithful

I remembered You are with me

I remembered that You will help me love.

I realized that I don't need to hide myself away

under the covers

because You have wrapped me in Your Love

...

You always will.

...

I rest in You.

See You Soon

So you lost your trust

And you never should have

Oh, you never should have

But don't break your back

If you ever see this

But don't answer that

In a bullet proof vest

With the windows all closed

I'll be doing my best

I'll see you soon.

In a telescope lens

And when all you want is friends

I'll see you soon...

...

I wonder why she believes hiding away is safer than being vulnerable.

Sure...no one can criticize you, no one can mock you, no one can look down on you...

but no one can know you.

Isn't that the most dangerous thing of all?

...

Oh, let me be Love

Oh, let me be Salt

Oh, let me be Light

Treasures in Clay Jars

2 Corinthians 4

...

Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

...
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

...
It is written: "I believed; therefore I have spoken."With that same spirit of faith we also believe and therefore speak, because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you in his presence. All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

...
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

...

Good promises.

♥

Hope

You don't always have to hold your head higher than your heart.

...

♥

Watercolours

I don't mean to be intrusive...

But what did you mean by that?

What were you thinking?

I've dismantled a thousand songs, searching for the answer

And still,

nothing

save, empty lyrics, empty melodies

And I don't mean to push...

But when will things be different?

When will they be like you said they would?

My thoughts run together like watercolours across the page

It's beautiful

but all you see are empty lyrics.

Empty melodies.

Empty love.

Oh, when will I write a different song?

Loveology

Sit down class, open up your textbooks to page 42.

Porcupine-ology

antler-ology

car-ology

bus-ology

train-ology

plane-ology

mama-ology

papa-ology

you-ology

me-ology

love-ology

kiss-ology

stay-ology

please-ology.

Let's study class, let's study class. Sit down!

Love-ology, Love-ology

I'm sorry-ology, forgive me-ology

Love-ology, Love-ology

I'm sorry-ology, forgive me-ology

Love-ology, Love-ology.

I'm sorry-ology, forgive me-ology,

Love-ology, Love-ology.

I'm sorry-ology, forgive me-ology,

Love-ology, Love-ology.

Love-ology

Oh, forgive me, forgive me, forgive-me-ology

There Are No Mathematics to Love

Love is not premeditated.

It can not be planned out.

Love bursts up in extraordinary ways...

...

There is no mathematical certainty in Paul's category of love (1 Corinthians 13). This means I can not simply speak, "I am going to fully love NOW"; I must allow Love to be manifested in my own heart through the Holy Spirit. The springs of love are in God, not in me.

...

Therefore, my response must be to search him out with my whole heart, to wait for both his answer and his call. My response must be to fall on my knees, face down before this incredible Love, and then allow it to move me. (Ephesians 3)

...

Maybe this next thought will seem irrelevant at first glance, but it's how I'm feeling. I'm seeing more and more that hope and love are inseperable. I must hold onto the hope that will God move me with his love, and help me show his love to other people. I must hold onto the hope that God loves me like crazy, no matter what I'm feeling like. I must hold onto the hope that God is preparing love for me in this life, and that it's going to be awesome, but more importantly, he is preparing a place for me with Love eternal...a place with Him. I can't wait!

...

Lamentations 3

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,

to the woman who diligently seeks.

It's a good thing to quietly hope,

quietly hope for help from God.

It's a good thing when you're young to stick it out through the hard times.

When life is heavy and hard to take,

go off by yourself.

Enter the silence.

Bow in prayer.

Don't ask questions:

Wait for hope to appear.

Don't run from trouble. Take it full-face.

The "worst" is never the worst.

Why?

Because the Master won't ever walk out and fail to return.

If he works severely, he also works tenderly.

His stockpiles of loyal love are immense.

...

Oh, Lamentations 3. If anyone actually reads this, know you will hear me talk about this passage so often. I will definitely be discussing it in more detail on here; it is very close to my heart.

...

♥

Safe is Unsafe

I think that feeling too comfortable can put people into dangerous situations, without them realizing it. Being comfortable can create a kind of bubble...one that seems harmless enough, and generally viewed as positive, because it contains good friends, good situations, and just good things in general.

...

But what if we get to a point where we find ourselves unable to leave that bubble? What if we enjoy being comfortable so much that we stop reaching out? What if we stop giving of ourselves? What if we cease to love?

...

May I never become too comfortable.

...

"The safe is unsafe".

-Greta Salpeter of The Hush Sound

Sea Glass

When I was in Vancouver in February with my class, we spent an afternoon at the ocean. I collected a bunch of sea glass, which is basically just pieces of broken glass bottles that have been worn away at by the waves. I found it kind of cool...how the glass transforms from something so sharp, defined, and pointy to something much smoother and softer, kind of a refined version of itself.

...

God is doing the same in me: slowly eroding away my old self, and changing me to be continually more like Him. On my sea glass, I wrote all the things that he is perfecting in me: hope, peace, discipline, wisdom, compassion, righteousness, faith, brotherly kindness, mercy, trust, patience, humility, unfailing love. I'm so thankful he has the power to create change in me, and that he loves me so much!

...

I wonder if anyone from the class going this year will love and enjoy the sea glass as much as I did...

The Excellence of Love

1 Corinthians 13
...
If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy, and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all my possessions to feed the poor, and if I surrender my body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

Love is patient. Love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant; does not act unbecomingly, does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth.

Love never fails. But if there are gifts of prophecy, they will be done away. If there are tongues, they will cease. If there is knowledge, it will be done away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part, but when the Perfect comes, the partial will be done away.

When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man I did away with childish things. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I also have been fully known. But now faith, hope, love: abide these three, but the greatest of these is LOVE.
...

Thank You for your great Love, God.
Please help me to show Love like You do.

...

♥

Second Hand Shoes

I love these shoes.

I got them for $4.99 at Value Village.

I wonder where the person who had them before me walked with them...

I wonder who they talked to in them...

I wonder what kind of adventures they had in them.

Second hand clothing holds so many stories.

Maybe that's why I love it so much?

Hugs

The Hug Poem

Bradley Hathaway

...

I read about how you touched them, and they were healed

Or even if someone just touched your cloak

they were forever changed

You let a broken woman bathe your feet in her tears

and you washed your best friends' feet.

I'm just wondering though,

Did you ever just hug people?

I mean I know it's a silly question and all,

I am sure you would have, why wouldn’t you?

But its one of those things that was never mentioned that got me thinking about it...

And how whenever there was a touch from you,

sins were forgiven and sickness fell.

I think I’m caught up in my sins,

last time I checked all my body parts were properly working,

nothing special here.

I am just a kid with a heavy heart

these passing sunrises and sunsets.

I don’t think our encounter would have ended up in the gospels or anything

Because all I really need is a hug.

That's okay for me to imagine right?

That’s not going to be conflicting with any sort of theology is it?

Okay good, then hug me.

But not one of these sideways one arm around the neck type hugs

Or the ghetto right hand clasp fists elbows to chest

pat pat on the back back

Or you put your right arm over my left arm

and I put my right arm under your left arm

and we make this weird sort of diagonal thing.

No, none of those!

BEAR HUG ME MAN!

Take your old school carpenter arms

and throw them over my upper body

leaving my arms dangling

underneath yours somewhere so

I can barely move them because you're squeezing so hard.

(But don’t pick me up and make my back pop because I hate it when people do that).

And then hold me,

hold me here in your arms until I start to cry because

I WANT TO CRY

But I just can’t seem to do it on my own

I have been teary eyed once recently but not even enough for a

drip down my cheek.

There's just hurt in my soul that needs to be purged

so hold me in this hugging pose until the pain is flowing from my eyes and nose.

...

I want a hug right now.

Walk Away

Someday I will walk away without shame

be completely free,

and wash my hands of this.

But for today, I will trust in Your unfailing Love--

take comfort, have peace

because You are here with me

now.

...

So loving, so faithful is he.

Oh, I wait for him...

Maps

Inevitably, the identity of a person is affected by the circumstances, events, and people that surround them. Past hurts can evolve into a kind of road map, one that is intently and carefully followed, one that leads people to believe they are finding themselves when they are progressively losing themselves within the keys and legends of the atlas. If I choose to follow the map of my false identities at all cost, I am opting to live selfishly, and will bring destruction everywhere I go. There is nothing wrong about following a map, but it is important to realize it is only a snapshot in time. Future roadblocks, obstacles, and difficulties can not be predicted by a map. While useful as a reference point, a map will not provide all the information needed for a journey; some things must be learned along the way.